Sitting at her table, our hands wrapped around steaming cups of coffee, her story (shared here with full permission and approval) tumbled out.

Their son, a truly sweet kid, had been giving her and her husband a serious run for their parenting money - especially during the past 12 months.

His independent streak is a mile wide, and they were having epic parent/child clashes over matters large and small - all ultimately boiling down to topics revolving around independence and freedom.

They'd tried all sorts of parenting strategies, with neither rewards nor punishments ultimately reaching the underlying issue.

She found herself scraped emotionally raw and particularly vulnerable when issues of parenting comparison were raised, even innocently, by others. She began comparing every other child in their best public moments to her child in his secret worst moments and then counted herself a failure as a mother. 


It was the repeated gentle suggestions of a friend that finally had her picking up the phone and dialing the number of a recommended therapist - just for an informational interview, no promises she would consider anything further.

The therapist returned the call late one evening, and my friend, gripping the phone in her hand as she dashed out of the busy family room with dad and kids, locked herself in the bedroom and began a conversation that changed her life.

After a few thoughtful questions, the therapist began explaining the three primary personalities types found in bright children:

Affirmation children. These are the kids teachers and parents love because they are eager to please, eager to do what is asked, and eager to earn love through pats on the back and verbal kudos. These kids make parenting look easy, and this type of child was the perfect description of this woman's husband as a kid. Their weakness? The Nazi SS ranks were filled with grown up affirmation kids whose need for affirmation overcame their ability to stand against authority when it turned evil.

Social Interaction children. These kids have to be in the midst of the action. They hate being alone and desire to be with friends, family, and everyone else. These kids will do anything you want, as long as they get to be with people. My friend immediately recognized herself in that description - her childhood was spent surrounded by friends from an early age and that pattern had lasted into adulthood. She is vivacious; a woman who makes friends easily and keeps them forever.  The downside to these kids? Gangs and organized crime are filled with adults who were social interaction children and whose desire to belong is stronger than their ability to say no.

And the last, the therapist explained, are the Internally Motivated children. These are the kids who want to decide, from the earliest age, their own path and make their own decisions. They are the most difficult to parent because their motivation comes from internal sources, not external influences. Handled too harshly, these kids turn further inward and rebellious. Handled too gently, they go off the rails and get into serious trouble.

My friend, tears streaming down, whispered into the phone: "That is my son, perfectly summed up."

And the therapist responded, "Can I tell you the best thing about the internally motivated children? These are the adults who transported slaves along the underground railroad to freedom in the North. These are the adults who hid Jews in Nazi Germany at the risk of their own lives. These are the adults who will stand firm for righteousness and will not be swayed by public opinion. They are the hardest children to raise, and yet they are the children who will change the world."

The therapist said lots of other wise words that night, but it was the promise of world-changing potential spoken over her sweet, darling, oh-so-independent child that my friend has clung to in the days and weeks since that conversation.

And it isn't that she believes her son will be famous or "big" in his world-changing. So often, world-changing starts with small acts in quiet spaces. It requires courage and bravery and allowing God to be bigger than our scared little hearts.

It was that my friend finally caught a glimpse of the hope and the future that God has planned for the internally motivated son that he has given to an affirmation father and a social interaction mother to raise. She realized that her greatest legacy might very well reside in that 9 year old's body - and that, raised well, her son might do more wold-changing that his mother and father ever dreamed of doing.

And while not easy, her perspective has shifted and she has been reminded that God stands with us on this parenting journey. He knew, before our children were first placed our arms through birth or adoption, that they would be ours. He knew their strengths and weaknesses, just as He knows ours.

Friends, we do not parent alone. And, believe it or not, He will equip us to parent these crazy, sweet, independent little creatures in ways that exceed our skill sets, if we let Him.

- Julie, Kendra, and Kristin

“I know you want to give your son all the credit,” our child’s psychiatrist stated, “but you need to know that you deserve some credit for how well he’s doing too. Go home and tell your husband you’re both doing a really good job.”

Happy Monday, friends! In our past three years of blogging, we've met a number of amazing women with similar visions and passions. We're thrilled to feature one of those sweet friends today, the amazing Amy L. Sullivan, who is talking about five principles to help guide our daughters AND we're giving away a copy of her NEW book! (details below...)

Good morning, friends! We're so thrilled to feature our friend Kate Washleski today, who asked us almost two years ago Where is Everything Going and Who Am I Without It? Kate's back to talk about motherhood and what she's learned along the way:

Last time I guest blogged here, we were in the middle of a very tiring and challenging journey, looking for answers to our son’s medical diagnosis. After 18 months of visiting specialists and running a battery of tests, we found out just before his second birthday that he has a rare genetic abnormality. We’re now about 18 months from that point and have learned so much about what that means for him developmentally and how we can come alongside him in his growth and in attaining new skills. He is doing so well and has grown so much; we’re so proud of him and thankful for all God has enabled him to do so far!

Last night as I was getting dinner ready my 19 month old toddled in to the kitchen from outside where she’d been playing with her older siblings, grinning from ear to ear with dirt smudged all across her mouth.

I paused for a moment, deciding what to do, shrugged, and kept making supper as an, oh well, thought fluttered through my mind.

To read the rest of my post, just click here.






And if you are in need or some more encouragement for your mothering, check out our new book, Grace for the Imperfect Mom, a daily devotional written from moms who know what it means to need a little grace.  

I see it often in my social media news feeds—judgments made, people dismissed and labeled. Opinions vary far and wide on anything and everything, and people are easily discarded if they act in a way we don’t think is right or believe something different than us. We distance ourselves—conveniently unfriending others—when it suits us.

And something about this doesn’t sit quite right with me.

Blame it on my upbringing, because my parents epitomized to me what it looked like to extend grace to others: Quick to offer understanding. Always recognizing our own humanity, our tendency to err.

Even as a child who saw things as black and white, my parents would quickly disarm the snap assumptions made on my part.

That child who wasn’t always nice to you and got in to trouble at school? You never know what his home life is like, my dad would say. What if he has parents who don’t show him love or aren’t there, or worse, what if he isn’t cared for or abused?

The family members who struggled with mental health issues or addiction? You don’t know the road they’ve walked. You don’t know the pain they’ve suffered.

And the friend who got pregnant right out of high school? My mom offered to host the baby shower at our house even as she shrugged her shoulders and said, Who hasn’t ever made a mistake? We still love her and the baby.

Good morning, friends! Today we're so excited to feature a guest post from Stephanie Hinz, who writes about how her own response to her children after a discouraging parenting situation helped clarify and reveal God's heart for us, his own children. And speaking of motherhood, our new e-book "Grace for the Imperfect Mom: A 31-Day Invitation to Refreshed Mothering, has arrived! See the bottom of the post for more details. Here's Stephanie:
 
I drove down the road, sobbing salty tears of frustration and discouragement. Once again, I felt like such a failure. Letting out an exhausted sigh as I parked my car at the craft store, I doused my eyes with saline to mask my miserable mama's cry. I felt lousy and weary, but I was no stranger to those feelings.

The majority of our Saturday had been nice. My husband and I had thought it would also be nice to let our four school-age kids have a sleepover in the boys' bedroom, watching a movie. They were so excited but couldn't agree on what to watch. At dinner they voted but it was still a tie. My husband and I came up with a solution and I declared that if anyone was upset about the final choice, they could just go to sleep...in their own bed. Before the decision was made, our older daughter and younger son were already upset about the sleeping bag arrangement. Once the movie was selected, our 11-year-old flopped down on his bed crying, and our 5-year-old was sent to her room for throwing an all-out fit! Wow! How in the world could a fun plan go awry so very quickly? Why did this seem to happen here so often? How had we gone so wrong in our parenting?