heartache
I was wishing her ill-will. And I hated it. Someone had wronged us (at least that’s how I felt) and I wanted nothing more than to retaliate. I was frustrated and angry.
I knew it wasn’t right to have these thoughts—certainly wasn’t a common occurrence for me to feel this way— and yet I did. I couldn’t shake it. I walked around unable to think well of this person and their slight of us, coming up with all the things I’d like to say to her, ashamedly, all very unkind.
“I’m angry,” I whispered to my husband later that evening, “and I hate it. Hate what she’s done. Hate that I want to wish her ill-will. Hate that I have such awful thoughts about another human being. But I especially hate that I feel so helpless and out of control to do anything about the situation.”
And there was the heart of my anger, truly, I hate when things are beyond my ability to control and that, most often, expresses itself as anger.
It’s a familiar struggle in my life.
It rears it’s ugly head when my kids don’t obey me or my husband Kyle doesn’t take the advice I’ve offered.
Kyle, who is often much more even- keeled and level-headed than I, looked at me with love and sympathy in his eyes, “Honey,” he stated, “what good will it do to hold onto your anger? You can’t control it, you need to let it go.”
I knew it wasn’t right to have these thoughts—certainly wasn’t a common occurrence for me to feel this way— and yet I did. I couldn’t shake it. I walked around unable to think well of this person and their slight of us, coming up with all the things I’d like to say to her, ashamedly, all very unkind.
And there was the heart of my anger, truly, I hate when things are beyond my ability to control and that, most often, expresses itself as anger.
It’s a familiar struggle in my life.
It rears it’s ugly head when my kids don’t obey me or my husband Kyle doesn’t take the advice I’ve offered.
Kyle, who is often much more even- keeled and level-headed than I, looked at me with love and sympathy in his eyes, “Honey,” he stated, “what good will it do to hold onto your anger? You can’t control it, you need to let it go.”
Hello dear friends! We are so excited to once again have our friend Stephanie sharing honestly about her experience with her adopted child. We were touched last fall when Stephanie shared her story of "How Foster Care Wrecked My Life" and we know you will be blessed by reading her story of what it's like to love our kids through the good and the hard.
It has been three years ago this month that we brought our teenaged foster daughter into our home. I wish I could sit down with each of you and share with you the journey we have been on. It has been a journey of pride and humility, desperation and fulfillment, joy and sorrow. It has been a journey of soaring on the wings of optimism and wallowing in the valley of defeat. We had no idea how to parent a teenager with a traumatic past. BUT GOD (don’t you love those words?) knew exactly what HE was doing.
We adopted our precious girl 11 months after she came to live with us. We poured our love into her as much and as often as we knew how. We knew she had spent 15 years without the love and structure of a Christian home. We were constantly on our knees and before the throne for mercy and help as we sought the best way to love and discipline with grace. We love her just as fiercely as our biological children. In our hearts, there is no difference.
In spite of all of this, we suspected she was planning on leaving as soon as she turned 18. Though she said otherwise and continued to make plans for jobs, schooling, and mission trips, she left 3 days after her 18th birthday. She left at night, without a word. It has been seven weeks.
To say my heart is shattered doesn’t even begin to describe the feelings this momma is having. I am grieving. Grieving because I miss my daughter. Grieving for a life that could have been. Grieving because maybe I didn’t love her hard enough to make up for her past, knowing I never could.
I don’t know if you know a prodigal, but I’m sure my prodigal thinks she is walking her chosen path alone. Ah, but she is not. I will walk with her, day by day, on my knees. I will bring her before the Father every day, asking him to do what only HE can do; change a heart.
As I have been praying that, God is doing some changing in my own heart. I am learning the following things (some of these things, I thought I had already learned!):
- Nothing about this journey has surprised God. He saw it all when he called us into foster care, when he called us into loving those who have been traumatized. As a friend once told me, “Has it ever occurred to you that nothing ever occurs to God?” I love that! God still has the same plan for our sweet girl. Nothing has changed. We just didn’t realize everything we were getting into when we promised to love her forever.
- I know God hears my cries; he inclines his ear toward me (Psalm 116:2). I have the ear of the Creator of the universe!
- The Holy Spirit intercedes for me (Romans 8:26). Haven’t you been there, not knowing what to pray or how?
- “I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” Psalm 56:11. Enough said.
- The prodigal father in Luke 15 watched, prayed, and waited. He was probably a wealthy man but did not chase after his prodigal or try to influence him to come home. My husband and I will do the same.
- The prodigal son “came to his senses” (NASB). I believe that our daughter will too. She has seen and heard much in her three years with us. God has been real to her, scripture and truth has been shared with her. I’m trusting that God will bring remembrance to her mind of those things.
- God is faithful! He is faithful in the scriptures; he has always been faithful in my life. To remind myself of his faithfulness, I have written down those times in my life when I have seen him move, and I trust him to move again.
- The most important thing by far that I am learning is how to lean on Jesus Christ, my rock. This is a moment-by-moment thing. Some moments I’m trusting well; others, well, not so much.
Is any of this easy? I’m afraid not, Friend. I spend a lot of time crying out to God and leaning on him. But I know that is the best place to be.
Are you looking for more resources? Have you checked out our books?
Our newest book, 100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls, is written specifically for girls ages 8-12 as they navigate friendships in upper elementary and middle school. With a scripture, short story, reflection questions and 50 fun activities to do with you or friends, it's a wonderful way to encourage your daughter, niece, granddaughter, God daughter and her friends to build healthy friendships from an early age.
Kristin, Kendra, and Julie
And our adult friendship devotional, The One Year Daily Acts of Friendship is a perfect compliment to our book for tweens. With a daily scripture, story, and friendship prompt, its encouraging and slightly challenging (in a good way!) as you find, keep, and love your friends.
We've also written two kindness devotionals, The One Year Daily Acts of Kindness and 100 Days of Kindness. They tell the story of how our families embarked on a one-year journey of kindness, and include our successes, failures, and the encouragement you need as a family to incorporate kindness into your own life.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
If you already have one of our books and love them, we'd so appreciate it if you leave a review on Amazon.
We're in this together,
Kristin, Kendra, and Julie
This past year we've covered so many topics from Advent Acts of Kindness to highlighting concerns around the world, to sharing honest stories of struggles and joys, friendship and harder relationships, along with some wonderful guest bloggers. Here is a look back at our most popular posts of 2015.
5. 10 Years Later...The Aftermath of Grief
I sit alone in my room. Kids are tucked into bed. Husband is downstairs watching a football game.
The soft glow of light shines from my bedside lamp. Snuggled against the pillows, this place is my safe haven. A place I find rest and peace from the busyness of each day.
I find a familiar episode of Gilmore Girls and settle in to watch, but more importantly, to remember. My sister Katrina loved this show. And it was one of the last things we did together. We’d sit on her bed, she too weak to get up, hunkered down with drinks or snacks or just each other to watch episodes together.
We’d laugh and cry, interspersing our own conversation against the replayed episodes we’d watched more than a few times.
“I wonder what your kids will be like?” she’d say. I’d smile and tell her my hopes for the future with my then-boyfriend-now-husband Kyle.
5. 10 Years Later...The Aftermath of Grief
The soft glow of light shines from my bedside lamp. Snuggled against the pillows, this place is my safe haven. A place I find rest and peace from the busyness of each day.
I find a familiar episode of Gilmore Girls and settle in to watch, but more importantly, to remember. My sister Katrina loved this show. And it was one of the last things we did together. We’d sit on her bed, she too weak to get up, hunkered down with drinks or snacks or just each other to watch episodes together.
We’d laugh and cry, interspersing our own conversation against the replayed episodes we’d watched more than a few times.
“I wonder what your kids will be like?” she’d say. I’d smile and tell her my hopes for the future with my then-boyfriend-now-husband Kyle.
Read the rest here.
This past month as we’ve committed to perform a kind act each day leading up to Christmas, a lot of discussions have been had in our house about giving and receiving, needs of others and even some of the heartbreaking events that are happening around the world. We’ve prayed for refugees and children without food, packed gifts and written notes to veterans who have been injured in war, and brought presents to women and children at a local shelter who’ve experienced domestic violence.
All of these actions have led to heartfelt conversations with our kids. They’ve asked hard questions and we’ve tried to answer as honestly as possible.
Although we never wish to scare our children, we want them to know the reality of what is happening in the world. We want them to know that as Christians we will help because we believe that God is the greatest comfort, the greatest healer, the greatest LOVE the world will ever know. And if they see that their parents believe that our kind acts can extend God’s grace to the brokenness of this world, maybe they’ll believe that God can heal the brokenness inside of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons