foster care
Hello dear friends! We are so excited to once again have our friend Stephanie sharing honestly about her experience with her adopted child. We were touched last fall when Stephanie shared her story of "How Foster Care Wrecked My Life" and we know you will be blessed by reading her story of what it's like to love our kids through the good and the hard.
It has been three years ago this month that we brought our teenaged foster daughter into our home. I wish I could sit down with each of you and share with you the journey we have been on. It has been a journey of pride and humility, desperation and fulfillment, joy and sorrow. It has been a journey of soaring on the wings of optimism and wallowing in the valley of defeat. We had no idea how to parent a teenager with a traumatic past. BUT GOD (don’t you love those words?) knew exactly what HE was doing.
We adopted our precious girl 11 months after she came to live with us. We poured our love into her as much and as often as we knew how. We knew she had spent 15 years without the love and structure of a Christian home. We were constantly on our knees and before the throne for mercy and help as we sought the best way to love and discipline with grace. We love her just as fiercely as our biological children. In our hearts, there is no difference.
In spite of all of this, we suspected she was planning on leaving as soon as she turned 18. Though she said otherwise and continued to make plans for jobs, schooling, and mission trips, she left 3 days after her 18th birthday. She left at night, without a word. It has been seven weeks.
To say my heart is shattered doesn’t even begin to describe the feelings this momma is having. I am grieving. Grieving because I miss my daughter. Grieving for a life that could have been. Grieving because maybe I didn’t love her hard enough to make up for her past, knowing I never could.
I don’t know if you know a prodigal, but I’m sure my prodigal thinks she is walking her chosen path alone. Ah, but she is not. I will walk with her, day by day, on my knees. I will bring her before the Father every day, asking him to do what only HE can do; change a heart.
As I have been praying that, God is doing some changing in my own heart. I am learning the following things (some of these things, I thought I had already learned!):
- Nothing about this journey has surprised God. He saw it all when he called us into foster care, when he called us into loving those who have been traumatized. As a friend once told me, “Has it ever occurred to you that nothing ever occurs to God?” I love that! God still has the same plan for our sweet girl. Nothing has changed. We just didn’t realize everything we were getting into when we promised to love her forever.
- I know God hears my cries; he inclines his ear toward me (Psalm 116:2). I have the ear of the Creator of the universe!
- The Holy Spirit intercedes for me (Romans 8:26). Haven’t you been there, not knowing what to pray or how?
- “I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” Psalm 56:11. Enough said.
- The prodigal father in Luke 15 watched, prayed, and waited. He was probably a wealthy man but did not chase after his prodigal or try to influence him to come home. My husband and I will do the same.
- The prodigal son “came to his senses” (NASB). I believe that our daughter will too. She has seen and heard much in her three years with us. God has been real to her, scripture and truth has been shared with her. I’m trusting that God will bring remembrance to her mind of those things.
- God is faithful! He is faithful in the scriptures; he has always been faithful in my life. To remind myself of his faithfulness, I have written down those times in my life when I have seen him move, and I trust him to move again.
- The most important thing by far that I am learning is how to lean on Jesus Christ, my rock. This is a moment-by-moment thing. Some moments I’m trusting well; others, well, not so much.
Is any of this easy? I’m afraid not, Friend. I spend a lot of time crying out to God and leaning on him. But I know that is the best place to be.
Are you looking for more resources? Have you checked out our books?
Our newest book, 100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls, is written specifically for girls ages 8-12 as they navigate friendships in upper elementary and middle school. With a scripture, short story, reflection questions and 50 fun activities to do with you or friends, it's a wonderful way to encourage your daughter, niece, granddaughter, God daughter and her friends to build healthy friendships from an early age.
Kristin, Kendra, and Julie
And our adult friendship devotional, The One Year Daily Acts of Friendship is a perfect compliment to our book for tweens. With a daily scripture, story, and friendship prompt, its encouraging and slightly challenging (in a good way!) as you find, keep, and love your friends.
We've also written two kindness devotionals, The One Year Daily Acts of Kindness and 100 Days of Kindness. They tell the story of how our families embarked on a one-year journey of kindness, and include our successes, failures, and the encouragement you need as a family to incorporate kindness into your own life.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
If you already have one of our books and love them, we'd so appreciate it if you leave a review on Amazon.
We're in this together,
Kristin, Kendra, and Julie
“It’s just so amazing the way you can open yourselves up to their biological families.”This statement was said to me by a dear friend as we had dinner together one night and were discussing my adopted daughter’s birth family.
How can you not? I think. I love these people and feel a connection with them. Maybe it’s because of the love for my daughter that spills over in a natural desire for me to connect with her birth family, or maybe it’s just the way I was raised, but including others has always been a part of my DNA.
On a Sunday in January 2013, our pastor interviewed a woman at our church who kept children in foster care. She spoke about our state’s broken foster care system, the many children in foster care, some of whom DCS had lost track of or had actually died while in custody. She told about the children that she had had in her home and I felt the Lord begin to nudge my heart. The final blow came when she said (and I will never forget this), “If the church had been doing what we were supposed to do, our system would not be in this mess.” My husband and I both heard the Lord calling that day and we decided to bring foster children into our home. We finished classes and home-studies and were approved to be foster parents. During the mass of paperwork you do in training, you can decide what kind of children you are willing to foster. We were fairly open, our children were grown and out of the home, we had plenty of room and two friendly dogs to help ease the transition to a new home.
The one thing we specifically asked was that we not have teenage girls. My husband was a teacher at the time and he would be home alone with the foster child (or children) many days in the summer. I worked outside the home, and we had heard scary stories about accusations made against men, so thought for our safety that it was best to not have teenage girls. In March 2013, we got our first call…for a teenage girl! Did they not even READ these profiles??
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