Christian
When the topic of girl friendships comes up, invariably eyes well with tears as moms talks about how rough it is to have middle school friendships. Our hearts ache as we remember our own struggles at that age even as we try to make it a better experience for our daughters. As moms of tween girls, here's a few tips we've taught our daughters (and continue to help them apply) as they navigate middle school drama:
1. Be quick to apologize. We've all inadvertently hurt a loved one's feelings and learning to apologize quickly and sincerely can keep our mistake from becoming a stumbling block in our friendship. Practicing being quick with a sincere apology with siblings and within our family units helps it become a relationship habit. When we spot tension in our tween's friendship, gently inquiring what part of the tension she might need to apologize for and help provide her with the words when necessary, can save a friendship at this age.
2. Don't bring peers into the conflict. A simple misunderstanding or inadvertent offense can become far more difficult to resolve when peers get involved and take sides. Cautioning our tweens about being roped into another's conflict is helpful, but modeling how we handle our friends' conflict and (when appropriate) talking about why we are supportive but do not fan the flames of conflict is where the real learning is.
3. Put yourself in her shoes. When our tween tells us about a friend who is suddenly distant, upset, or hasn't been as good a friend lately, teaching her to pause to consider what else might be happening in her friend's life has been a game changer. Parents deployed or divorcing or having a beloved family member with a serious illness are situations our tween's friends have faced and having an adult help provide perspective on what their friend might be walking through has helped our tweens be supportive and understanding instead of upset or offended.
4. Learn to set healthy boundaries. Teaching our daughters to set healthy boundaries around their bodies and emotions is a skill that will serve her well her entire life. Even in friendships, understanding that it's okay to say no when feeling uncomfortable can help prevent situations that will end in drama and conflict.
5. Give her tools. Helping our daughters develop healthy friendship habits will set them up for successful female friendships their entire life. Our newest book, the 100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls is written specifically for girls aged 8-12 as they navigate friendships in upper elementary and middle school. With a scripture, short story,
reflection questions and 50 fun activities to do with you or friends, it's a wonderful way to encourage your daughter, niece, granddaughter, God daughter and her friends to build healthy friendships from an early age.
And our adult friendship devotional, The One Year Daily Acts of Friendship is a perfect compliment to our book for tweens.
We've also written two kindness devotionals, The One Year Daily Acts of Kindness Devotional and 100 Days of Kindness. They tell the story of how our families embarked on a one-year journey of kindness, and include our successes, failures, and the encouragement you need as a family to incorporate kindness into your own life.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
Photo credit: Branding with Savannah @savvyphotagebranding
“Why don’t you meet every Sunday? What will you do if a visitor comes that day?”It came as an honest question, someone wondering why our church community only meets every other week together, spending the other Sundays meeting in smaller groups in homes.
And it's one I’ve had to wrestle with these past few years.
The traditional church setting has been my constant companion since I was little girl—forever, really. As a community, it's been so good to me. Some of my fondest memories are with church people and at church functions. I was blessed to be loved—and loved well—by pastors, friends, and families that attended with us.
When I needed support, the church was there. When our family walked through hard times, they supported us. Not just with prayer, but in very tangible ways—meals, house cleaning, babysitting, cards, hugs—and so much more. When we celebrated, they were right there with us with bridal and baby showers that showed their love and support.
But I realize this is not everyone’s experience. There are those who have been hurt by the church and the people who go there. Christians have been mean to them, let them down, and in some cases even hurt and abused them.
I get that. I hear it. And I will not discard it just because it is different than my own experience.
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| Image via Jackie on Flickr |
The Easter Bunny and I have a love/hate relationship.
As a mother of young children, I’ve struggled with how much swimming I should be doing against the cultural tide of Easter as a pastel-colored, candy holiday.
I’ve wrestled with whether I"m potentially diminishing Christ and the work he did on the cross when I allow a few plastic eggs and some fake grass to cross my home’s threshold.
And while every family has to pray through this issue on their own, my husband and I have made peace with the concept of the Easter Bunny and provide a space in our Easter celebration to partake in the cheesy fun of an egg hunt, hidden baskets, and rainbow-hued, hard-boiled eggs.
In exchange for allowing eggs and chocolates to be a part of the celebration, my husband and I are very intentional about our approach to Easter.
The Easter books found on my children's bookshelves talk of Jesus, not of bunnies.
We have age-appropriate conversations about the cross - what it means, what it did, why it matters so very much to our lives today.
And, as unpopular as it might be, my children know that the Easter Bunny isn’t real and that daddy is the one who is figuratively hopping around the back yard, hiding eggs in tree branches. (Although we do what we can to make sure they do not share that information with their classmates, as that is a decision for other families to make).
Because if I do not show my children how to carefully discern those things in our culture that are merely fun from those things that hold sacred significance, then I leave them vulnerable to the whisperings of others.
There will come a time when others will tell my children that Jesus is a myth, a fable, a story just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, and I need them to understand the difference between a fun activity and authentic faith.
If you are looking for ways to incorporate more Jesus and less bunny into your own Easter celebrations, check out the following ideas:
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